Tuesday, January 22, 2008

We Have a Right to Know! - by Ryan

Now I know most all of you wonderful readers are women. And before I ask what your thoughts on this sensitive matter, I invite you to keep an open mind. Like, all the way open, please. I might be setting myself up for a tar and feathering in the middle of the night.

The other day, Kelly walked into my office to confirm some scheduled dates. So I pulled up my calendar and when she saw that I had "PMS" on a date there, she gasped and B-lined it out my office door.

Yes, I have it as an auto-scheduled monthly item on my calendar.
I wonder if I still have any readers.

I can sympathize and understand why there would be shock value to this, but hear it out. First, being married is different than if we were just dating. I think that would be a whole different story. I think being eternally espoused earns us a right to know when it's time. But I think that the real issue is the fact that I have it on my calendar, so let's move on. Now, guys typically have a bad rap for procrastinating or forgetting things like anniversaries, birthdays, valentines day... things of that nature. So generally, if guys were on top of all these things, would a woman not feel like she's well looked after? This should include PMS. If you ask me, what woman WOULDN'T want their husband to be privately aware and reminded of when her cycle is? In my book of experience, there are two things that can cause strain for arguments in the home. Finances and seasonal emotions. If we are aware that it is that time and the season of the moon, how much better are we prepared to face the challenges? I'll know that the sudden demanding urgencies to help with kids, clean the house, make the bed, take out the trash... are not done or said to pick fights, rather, we'd know that it's more than just that. Being prepared, we can proactively help clean and do house duties, and most importantly, not react to any words that normally would lead to a bicker. Don't get me wrong, Kelly and I are great and her pillow-talk comedies get better every night. But if a man can head into the battle with armor, patience, awareness, and loving support... what woman could disagree?

Note to other facts:
The calendar was on my personal computer in my office that no one in the world has access to.
It only said "PMS" and not things like "Danger Zone" or "Beware of the Monster". So consider my consideration. I think my arguments/defenses could go on and on, but that would leave no room for discussion.

So tell me, am I wrong?


rockkinrobbins said...

I see your point Ryan, However, if it were me..you might as well have put a sign up saying "BEWARE". I am going to have to take Kelly's side on this one. You did a good job of trying to justify what you did. :/

Desta said...

Amen. I think that's pretty dang thoughtful and resourceful. It saves Kelly the embarrassment of wearing a t-shirt that says "Don't mind me, it's just that time of the month." Unless she already has the shoes to pull off the outfit...

Olive-us said...

Very clever, Ryan.
You have made valid points, BUT if it were my husband, I think I would have done more than B-lined out of your office. Consider yourself lucky.
A little suggestion: Instead of writing "PMS" on you calendar, why not use "I love my wife" instead. That way everyone is happy.

p.s. Don't men "cycle" too?
Mine does.

Heidi said...

I think it is great that you actually are aware of the pms stage. the question is--are you nice to her when she isn't nice about all things? are you mindful to pull more of your weight when it seems like she is having a tough day? if the answer is yes than it is okay to be aware. if the answer is no--then you stink!

Ryan Southwell said...

Might I just add that many hours later when I had a chance to explain, she took my side, seeing that I was sincere. I also know that women mark it on their calendars too, so why not husbands? Is being in tune with my wife's hormonal adjustments such a crime? I though I should get a medal!

ali degraff said...

Now, now ryan. Suggestion of a medal might be taking it a bit too far, but I think I understand where you're coming from. It is mighty considerate of you to have the desire to be "flexible" during Kelly's not so pleasant moods. It is certainly better than hearing from your husband (who has been kept in the dark about your PMS) something to the effect of "Geez, your acting mighty wenchy today" OR "What's YOUR problem, grumpy?"

So hats off to you. I think I am going to call Troy right now and have him schedule my "PMS" days for Monday - Friday EVERY week!

Dad said...

When Ali knows I've had a particularly difficult day at work she makes an extra effort to be patient while I unwind for a minute. When I know Jack's been a big stinker all day I gear up on the way home, knowing that I want to come in take over Jack, dinner, dinner dishes, and any remaining house work so she can relax. I call home several times a day so I can get a feel for how her days going. It's what enables me to bring my "A" game home even if things are also not going well for me.
I thought I was doing pretty well... being aware of the circumstances of the day and trying to adapt to them, showing patience and trying to go the extra mile when I saw the need? I guess I was wrong? DANG IT!, MAN!, I can never figure this out? I'm trying to be a good husband and do just the right thing...say just the right words, at precisely the right moment, as to not screw up when letting Ali know that after 6 years I'm still so absolutely excited to be married to her, and that truly the happiest moment of any day is coming home to Jack, Lucy in the tummy, and their mommy my wifey. When I read your post I thought, "Awesome! Ryan, is a genius! I'm going to use that with Ali so she feels extra love through my extra efforts when she needs it most!" Now, after reading the comments, I realize I'm still totally confused. I really am from Mars! I guess men aren't supposed to plan, prepare for, and think about how they can love their wives better...It's just supposed to be spontaneous. At least that's how Matthew Mcconaughey does it in all those romantic comedies.
Well, good luck buddy, and know that I'm continually inspired by you as a dad and husband. "A" for effort..."F" on the delivery.

Your buddy Troy

Ryan said...

Ryan, I feel okay with your comment. My Ryan once referred to my "shedding" as "on the rag!" Barf. Who says that? good for you for being on top of all family matters. You are a good man.

sheena said...

Got a little nervous that "dad" was dad Jibson, commenting on Kelly's PMSing. weird.

I have to agree with Shawna, maybe instead of PMS in big (I'm assuming red?) letters, you should write "today I will buy my lovely wife a gift/multiple gifts".

and "on the rag". sick. I still like "aunt flow is coming to town."

Emily P. said...

Okay first I about peed my pants laughing. Because while I would probably have had a violent reaction (as in Jared would be buying a new laptop right about now) it was hilarious to read about. I understand your argument Ryan, I really do, I think more than anything we girls don't like being reminded that our mercurial moods effect those around us. We prefer to think we handle it all with cool and calm. But bless your heart for the effort.

Marie - Mother of the Bird Nest said...

Wow, Ali I know this is not your blog, but you should copy Troy's romantic love letter to you and paste it in your journal.

Ryan, congrats on being on top of things. I got a good laugh from your post because I have 7 weeks left of pregnancy and get grumpier by the day. I hope William doesn't take it personally and just remembers, I'm PREGNANT!

Kelly, you are my best friend! Isn't it so hard to admit we are grouchy and irritable sometimes? Deep down we know that it is so wonderful that our husbands care but on the surface we wish they just always thought of us as sweet and loving mothers who always act the perfect part. What a post to have out there for the world to read. Just know, I'm probably 0 times worse than you on your bad day. I have had to renew my New Year's Resolution to NOT YELL many many many times already and we are only 22 days into the new year. UGHH!

Are you changing the password on your blog so Ryan can no longer post? Please, update us on this sensitive issue!

Anson & Michelle said...

Wow! I don't know where to start maybe the boys need a chat room. get it all out. I agree that it should have read, "Buy wife flowers" or "Be careful what I say today" It's hard enough being a women and having to put up with all the PMS junk anyway not to mention the strain of child bearing to have it know on a husbands calendar. I have to side with Kelly on this. Oh and Kelly, I hope you got a nice bouquet of flowers or a great date out of this one!

Ryan Southwell said...

Wow. This is all too fun. Now I know who my friends are. Just kidding. The bottom line is this... today was a good day because my little calendar item reminded me to put in a little extra effort. Tomorrow will also be a good day despite the odds. I can't see how any wife would be against such a thing. Fortunately, I have the best wife ever!

p.s. I know I'm a minority here, but you can't always blog about chocolate cake and roses. If anything, it's good for all to have some balance, or learn a guy's point of view... heck, even if its just to rile up the crowds! A little more male participation couldn't hurt either.

Anonymous said...

YEAH - for being thoughtful of each other!!
Ryan's calender was like his thoughts showing. Kelly just happen to see what he had on his private calender. If he is trying to be helpful and more in tune for her time each month-more power to him.
We would all benefit more by giving and caring for each other, instead of always trying to even up the score.

Ben and Shara said...

I'm fascinated by your thoughtfulness. If only my husband could get on the band wagon. Can I give him your number? He might need to be "schooled" in the ways.


zuniga family said...

Ryan, this is Vicki Zuniga, friend of Kasey's and little sister of Jeff Gerken. I think it is very thoughtful of you and that hopefully you are a little nice. Would you get mad at Kelly if she wrote on the calendar when you were "having your cycle?" If not, then I don't see a problem with it. At least you are aware of when to be nicer or just to steer clear of her! I can totally see Kelly laughing about this later!

Hull Family said...

I remember growing up and having to plan our vacations around "NP" (..those two letters were always in red once a month on the calendar). "Nancy" is my mom and you can guess what the "P" stood for. I just did not get why we had to live our life around "NP".... Now as a wife and a mother myself... we have to live around "SP".
I love this blog! It's all so true and hillarious... except when Kasey had to bring up "the rag" oh barf.

Amy said...

This was one of the best posts I've read in a while. I was almost crying because I thought it was so funny. I definitely understand your points, Ryan. I can also understand why Kelly was a little bit upset. I think that most women would agree with me when I say that although we get PMS, men also get a form of PMS. Brandon gets it every month, and in my opinion, it's worse than mine.

Oh the joys of being married!